Uplevel Your Relationship: Infuse Fun & Playfulness - Sensual Heart Wellness

Do you see it too? The energetic heaviness that surrounds a lot of the conversations on the internet about romantic partnerships, the hard work that goes into them, the red flags to look out for and 5 signs that your boyfriend/girlfriend is a narcissist? etc etc…Everywhere I look, I see or hear an expert on a podcast or social media talking about relationships with such stoicism and a tone that may as well be speaking about prison reform or climate change.

Nothing dries up the lady parts for me like looking at relationships- potential or existing, through this oh so serious, negative lens, ya know? I can probably blame the algorithm but still…

Let’s look at some of the potentially juicy, feel good things that can instantly uplevel your relationship! Because-isn’t that kind of the point? And I’m not talking about the peak experience, fairy-tale style feel good things. I’m also not talking about the obvious, practical perks and positives that many folks value or are motivated by to seek commitment with another like companionship, more financial stability, perhaps children etc because while some or all of those may be assets to you, I’m talking about the pleasure of the day to day, typically under appreciated and under utilized potential moments of connection with another human being that make romantic partnership worth having.

I believe that the quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life and I don’t know about you, but I want my life to be fun, playful, sexy, and lighthearted as often as possible. Which brings me to what I feel are THE most important qualities to bring to your relationship daily (aside from the more obvious players-respect and kindness duh) and that is levity, playfulness and lightness!

I believe we grossly underestimate the power that we have to alchemise the energy between ourselves and others, specifically and ESPECIALLY with romantic partners considering our romantic partners are often the ones unintentionally detonating the grenades that are our triggers and loading the dishwasher like someone who clearly didn’t play enough Tetris as a child (*not* me)

Our partners are commonly the ones we spend the most time with so naturally there is more opportunity for annoyances and taking each others bad moods personally, which is a recipe for turning things sour really quick-But just as quick as something can take a turn for the worst, trust the notion that it can just as easily take an upturn. It all comes down to intention, maturity and humility

Because if we’ve learned anything from the serious, stoic and sober conversations around romantic partnership, there IS absolutely hard work, hard conversations and hard truths that are necessary to have and look at to build a robust and sustainable union, but nothing will crack the foundation more than the LACK of levity, playfulness and affection that are the very things that equally hold it up and make the hard work worth doing in the first place

Most people don’t realize and underestimate how powerful the frequent, positive micro moments that can be woven in all throughout your time spent together are, because while those actions may be seemingly small and light compared to the heavy lift of the tough stuff, they really do pack a punch when it comes to relationship transformation. Like many things in life we humans seem to make everything more complicated than they need to be and we like to discredit the potentially huge impact of the simple things

The Gottman institute names contempt as the number one indicator that a relationship will end. Contempt does not just happen overnight, it is usually born out of resentment due to compounding microaggressions over time but also the absence of consistent and intentional loving deposits. So think of those deposits as the glue, and believe them to hold just as much weight when it comes to positively affecting the quality of your relationship

If you have gotten to a place where you and your partner are starting to feel more like roommates or the mere sound of them breathing makes you want to stick a fork in your own eye, its time to take some personal inventory! Chances are there isn’t a lot of levity and tenderness happening on a regular basis and for the stubborn ones out there, it takes two to tango. You cannot rely on happenstance to make this happen. Both have to CHOOSE to MAKE it happen

There is boundless opportunity to be playful, light and loving towards your partner. Glance at each other when you notice something said that sparks an inside joke between you, text them something light, cute, funny or sexy aside from the “can you pick up milk on your way home?’ or “please don’t forget to water the plants.” Grab their ass (if they like that ) tell them they look hot, kiss, hug, put your hand on theirs while you’re driving. Come up behind them and wrap your arms around them while they’re cooking, turn up the playful banter…WHATEVER it is that floats your boats, and do it often

Notice how none of these suggestions take more than a couple seconds, cost a thing, or take much effort. Couples who consistently behave in this way towards each other are less likely to be seen rolling their eyes, scoffing or barking at each other. It really works as an antidote to that shit and staying on top of the positives can work to prevent such a damaging deficit in the first place

Just watch how fast you’ll see that when you treat each other like you really like each other, you…..like each other more (see? it’s giving wizard)

Seems like a no- brainer right? Almost seemingly too simple? Eye-rollingly obvious? I agree but…Are you actually doing it?

Remind your partner through frequent verbal and physically affectionate actions that they are loved, adored, appreciated and desired. They deserve that and so do you

As always I think it’s really helpful to look at life with a generally more playful lens so try to experiment with infusing the energy of levity and warmth into your partnership over the next week in between the mundane tasks, stresses and responsibilities and just watch how you magically feel more affinity and love towards each other. And trust me, that loving, flirtatious energy to bedroom pipeline is strong ;) You’re welcome in advance xx