The great liberation of accepting your capacity-How to avoid burnout

Have you ever truly stopped to contemplate what you are capable to take on? And when I say capable, I mean truthfully, not what you think you should be able to based on comparison with the people around you, or the expectations of society and peers.

I’ll start by sharing truthfully what my capacity is.

Between the expectation to show up for everyone, run a household, tend to the endless piles of laundry and everything in between, raise two small children, one of which is not yet school age and not in daycare so he is my constant sidekick (Not to mention, half the time on my own because my husband works out of town) coordinate multiple schedules, continue my education, take care of myself (heaven help me to prioritize that one) and be an involved and present friend-Not a whole fucking lot.

Now you may read that and think “yeah duh, of course you don’t have much capacity for anything else.” But the truth is, it’s not that I don’t have any gas left in the tank after all that, it’s that I don’t have it for most of that. I feel like a hot mess most days-A real jack of all trades, master of none. Throw in some ADHD and it’s a real spectacle.

And look, I know I’ve got a lot on my plate but ever since becoming a mother 7 years ago, I have felt like its almost humanly impossible to stay on top of all the things that are necessary to make my life and my family’s life run smooth. I stay awake at night, haunted by all the unanswered texts sitting in my inbox and I am so. Hard. On. Myself.

I wish I could carelessly frolic, communicate telepathically and intuitively see where the wind takes me everyday with intermittent naps but you just can’t have everything you want I guess

While I know there really are women out there (although rare) “doing it all” while looking gorgeous and running a tight ship with more ease than some, I also know these folks are exceptions to the rule. STILL, there is that nagging belief “If they can do it, so can I.”

So you know when you have really simple and sage advice for everyone else but you just can’t seem to practice what you preach? Well I live by the notion that EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. There’s no one size fits all, no cookie cutter way to live a life, no ideal relationship structure and no one way to see the world

So I remind myself today that everyone also has different brains, different energy levels, different nervous systems and different trauma histories-all of which affect what you can take on and handle without crashing out. Your capacity can also change depending on the day or where you are at in life and no amount of comparing or shaming yourself will change that fact.

Acknowledging first, and then accepting your own personal capacity is freeing. It will require you to listen to your body, tune into your breath and get really honest. It will be different for the person next to you, no matter what. And once you get honest with yourself and a little more gentle, you can start the process of being honest and sharing your capacity with those closest to you. It will mean that you may need to say no more often, get your priorities straight and feel into what truly is an overextension of yourself. If you aren’t used to this, it will most likely take some time.

When you start making that a practice, little by little, it becomes easier. And when you honour your “no,” you may start to respect yourself more, knowing that honouring your true capacity is a beautiful act of self love-And the other real gift? You will start to have more patience, understanding and grace for when others honour theirs, which will mean that sometimes, they will say no to you, decline invites or need space, none of which is about you (usually at least if the relationship is healthy). Life acts like a mirror, so the more compassion you have for yourself, the more you have for the people in your life. The more you shame yourself for not being able to do more, the higher the chances that you’ll feel disappointed with others.

So with my new-found acceptance, when a friend needs to cancel on me or they choose to stay in rather than accept an invite to socialize, my first thought is always “Im proud of you for honouring what your body needs” and I love that for them. I love it for me too.